Tennis - I'm teaching Yahaira how to play tennis. I myself learned from an instructor at the public courts. He didn't know me or anything; I just hung around while he gave lessons to paying students. I also watch women's tennis. Frame-by-frame sometimes. Y ...

Skydiving - I'm not the brightest dude in the shed. When my parents asked what I wanted to be when I grow up, I said a horse. As a teenager, I thought that air kept the bread fresh, so I'd blow into the bag before putting it away. Still, I knew enough to stay ...

Bingo - "Let's go to bingo!" "Um. Okay." I didn't know that young people could play bingo. I thought there was an age minimum, a picture of grandma reading, "You must be this old to enter building." As we pulled into the church parking lot, I wonder ...

Puerto Vallarta - During a recent trip to my happy place (Puerto Vallarta), I ended up on Vallarta Adventures' "Jeep Safari," which takes hopelessly white people into the Sierra Madre jungle to be devoured by insects. Our leader, JC, stood as tall as Prince but wa ...

Dominican Republic - My amiga Yahaira wanted to show me her homeland, the Dominican Republic, where 62,000 of her relatives live. We met them all at the airport, a metric ton of strangers hugging me as their own. The DR comes in two parts: There is Santo Domingo, whic ...

Televisions - Is it just me, or are TVs taking over the universe? They're popping up in gas stations, waiting rooms, supermarkets, banks, beauty salons, HOTEL BATHROOMS. I myself don't need a bathroom TV because I keep one in my underwear. "For those of you who ...

Dog Lickers - My mom is a dog-licker. That's someone who thinks highly enough of her pet to accept French kisses (and we do know where those dog lips have been). Max is a mini black poodle. Full name: Emperor Maximus. No, really. It's engraved on the dog ...